Fantasy Football Goes Up In Smoke
A big fuck you to Rodger Goodell and the NFL!!! Why do I say that?…Because Fantasy Football officially went up in smoke yesterday. Let me tell you about the keeper league I’m in for over 10 years now. It’s a ten team league with a bunch dudes who think they are good friends of mine. Haha. Last years draft in the 9th round I drafted Josh Gordon and ended up dominating the league and winning my 3rd title in 4 years.
I declared Gordon my keeper after last season ended. Done deal right? Wrong.
This off-season Gordon gets suspended for the season for testing positive for smoking weed. That’s right, the NFL banned Gordon for a season for smoking a plant that is legal in one the cities that the NFL calls home. They banned him for smoking a substance that is A LOT less harmful than alcohol…sorry, it’s science. They banned him for smoking a substance that a lot of cancer patients call medicine.
And then, as the season approached, there was a glimmer of hope…a glimmer of common sense, there was a chance that due to the NFL’s out dated stance on marijuana that Flash Gordon may be reinstated.
The way I saw it, drafting Gordon in the 7th round as my keeper and waiting for him to come back from an 8 or 10 game suspension was well worth it. You can’t find players like Gordon on the waiver the wire come weeks 8, 9 or 10, so the risk was well worth the reward.
I monitored the arbitration hearing every step of the way. I waited with baited breath in the hopes that common sense would prevail. Let’s face it, marijuana isn’t a performance enhancing drug unless the end zone is a big fucking Hershey bar. So I waited…and waited…and waited. Three days prior to our leagues draft the announcement was made…Gordon to be suspended for the season. I instantly pulled back my keeper, cursed a lot and went on preparing for life without Josh Gordon.
Due to our league rules, I was unable to draft Gordon after I gave him up as my keeper– who would of anyway? The suspension was upheld and he was as good as gone…or so we thought.
A player in my league, who will go nameless, mainly because I want to punch his face right now, drafted Gordon late in our draft with the intentions of stashing him all year long and using him as a keeper next year. I got to admit, brilliant move. Was I annoyed? Yes…but there was nothing I can do about it. Plus, it didn’t matter…Gordon was suspended for the season. He wasn’t going to play this year so it was nothing to worry about….until now.
My phone goes off today and it took every ounce of willpower in my body to not thrash the entire office at work when I saw the update.
GORDON SUSPENSION REDUCED TO 10 GAMES!!
Fuck you Rodger Goodell! Fuck you guys in my league! Fuck the NFL’s drug policy and fuck you Josh Gordon. I am convinced this entire fiasco has been brought to us by the two “C’s” — Conspiracy and Collusion.
So fuck you Rodger Goodell — may you end up drunk in elevator with Ray Rice sooner rather then later.
And as for the man who drafted Gordon…well he drafted Adrien Peterson as well. Fantasy karma is a fickle bitch. So Greg Wilson…my question to you is this…what would AP do if this was his kid?
And now that I got that off my chest…..here are my fantasy picks and picks against the spread for week 2.
Jake Locker – Titans – Everyone is going to tell you this kid is a great play because of his matchup against the pathetic Cowboys defense. I am here to tell you that Locker is a guy who shouldn’t only play this week — but you may want to consider making your starting QB. Big things are coming from the kid from the University of Washington. Hop on the band wagon now.
Carson Palmer – Cardinals – Stafford had his way with the Giants secondary last Monday night. Now I know Palmer is not Stafford, but the Giants secondary is still the Giants secondary. Palmer could have a pretty big day slinging it to Floyd and Fitz.
Ryan Fitzpatrick – Texans – Let me say this, Ryan Mallett is going to be the starter very soon for Houston…but not this week against Oakland. This is strictly a matchup play, but it is one that will pay dividends for you this week if you’re desperate.
Running Backs –
Shonn Greene – Titans – 15 carries for 71 yards last week and this week he gets Dallas. Sign me up. Greene scores a TD this week.
Frank Gore and Carlos Hyde – 49ers – This just in…Bears still can’t stop the run. Play them both.
Terrance West – Browns – Get’s the Saints at home and will run behind a very underrated offensive line. West may go HAM.
Alfred Morris – Redskins – Gets the Jags at home and RGKnee blows. Play him!
Giovanni Benard and Jeremy Hill – Bengals – Prediction – Both score TD’s this week against a poor Falcons D.
Wide Receivers –
Cordarelle Patterson – Vikings – Ready?…Patterson now has eight touchdowns, either rushing or receiving, in his past nine regular-season games. With Peterson out (How bout that shit?) Norv Turner will find a way to get his playmaker the ball.
Greg Jennings – Vikings – Yes, that Greg Jennings. Jennings has lost a step but has Cassel trust. Jennings led the Vikes in targets last week and with Patterson set to land on Revis Island give Jennings the nod….He and Patterson will find the end zone.
T.Y. Hilton – Colts – Poor week one…Beast week two.
Kendall Wright – Titans – Play him, Nate Washington, Justin Hunter — The Cowboys can’t cover grandma with a blanket.
Larry Fitzgerald – Cardinals – Sorry Giants fans…this is about winning fantasy games…Fitz will help you this weekend.
Tight Ends –
Delanie Walker – Titans – Sensing a theme? PLAY ALL TITANS!
Zach Ertz – Eagles – Since the midway point of last season, the only tight ends with more touchdowns than Ertz are Vernon Davis, Jimmy Graham andJulius Thomas. And in case you missed it, Julius Thomas just torched the Colts last week.
Kyle Rudolph – Vikings – Huge season coming.
Greg Olsen – Panthers – If Larry Donnell found the end zone against the Lions last week, Olsen finds it at least once this week.
PICKS AGAINST THE SPREAD — Last week – 18-12-2
I’m gonna try to stay hot this week — Here we go! My picks will be in BOLD
Buffalo Bills (pick em) over the Dolphins
Tennessee Titans (-3) over the Cowboys
S.F. 49ers (-7) over the Bears
Denver Broncos (-12.5) over the Chiefs
Houston Texans (-2.5) over the Raiders
Indianapolis Colts (-3) over the Eagles
UPSET OF THE WEEK:
Minnesota Vikings (+3) over the Patriots
New York Giants (+2.5) over the Cardinals